Sixteen

I "got saved" at five at my grandmother's church camp up in New York. But I've always grown up in a Christian home. My being Christian was mostly to please my parents, but when ever I talked about god around my mother she seemed to not care, as though I couldn't possibly understand Him. I guess that really discouraged me the most and up until the seventh grade I floated spiritually.

My manners were polished and I had good taste but that was because of the standards we had set at home. God really wasn't in me. In seventh grade I ran away from school but was caught before the day was over. I now had a finger print chart and a "rap sheet" but no arrest, my parents dropped the charges.

The depression I had been under lifted and I thought God was there but He wasn't. Despite the pain I had caused I ran away again in ninth grade. It was a school field trip and I just kind of ditched the group. I was picked up by the police in the stairwell of a Holiday Inn for trespassing. It was so cold out, I had to find some place to sleep. They took me to the police station, but again, no arrest. My parents dropped the charges.

That was when I found out that my brother, who had also been on the trip, had searched for me for 2 hours holding up the bus and making everyone late home. My sister had been devastated, crying all night. When my father found out, he stalked out of the house, got in the van and went off searching the entire area we were in, until 5 am.

My mother stayed at home waiting by the phone. They were all angry at me, and for good reason. It was the first time that I knew what being alone was like. Cold, fear, no walls surrounding me. And my family would certainly never forgive me this time. The second time.

My sophomore year was horrible but I rededicated my life to Christ.

My latest struggle is staying on top. About a week before I left for this tour, my mother left a note on my father's pillow that said she was leaving him. She is to marry another man next year and if you knew my parents this would seem impossible. However, it's happening.

God, however, had this trip in His will and whatever He has planned I want to happen.

Written by a sixteen-year-old in California for the first time and presented to total strangers.